The pools

The pools

On  Sunday night I went to the pools at 6pm. We drove there and when it was very busy.  My mum, brother (Samuel.) It was at Onehunga pools.

The reason I went to the pool because I and my little brother had a swimming class. I start at 6:30 to 7:30 and my brother stats from 6pm to 6:30.

I asked my mum “is it time for swimming class?”

“Five more minutes,” my mum said.  

When it was time we did breaststroke we did 2 laps after we did freestyle the teacher asked: “do you want to  go first?”

“Ok,” I replied. So I went first after we did dives on the last dive my nose started to bleed. Once it started to bleed so mum said softly “I can shower early.” I asked, “if I can go out again?”

“No,” my mum says.

“It is going to end now.”

That night I felt really hungry.  When we got home we ate food and then I watch some TV. Once it was time to sleep we went upstairs to sleep.

I Aisha have read your writing and I love you used dialogue and  I really think that you could add more detail. Next time use elaboration.